Sunday, 18 December 2011

220 ways to annoy your teacher.

1.repeatedly ask why for every statement he/she says. (even stuff like "yes you may use the bathroom)
2. make small noises (i.e. whistles, rasberrys, etc,) then scream name of either handicapped child or teacher himself,
3.answer questions you don't have the answer to with smartass replies ("i can not define the value of x further, as it would go against my religion to prove the existence of the holy x") the answers. go into argument over tiny details, like if the fortress da vinci designed would shield against a dragon when discussing the rennessaince,
5. write illegibly
6. if failed, claim discrimination against midgets and/or fans of "glee".)
7.get the paper wet.
8.use an incredibly light pencil.
9. say an incredibly inflamitory statement like "all indians are gay and kill cats" then call teacher naive for any objections.
10. spell everything wrong.
11. answer each question with a type of cheese.
12.defecate on the test paper.
13. include photoshopped picture of teacher hugging kim jong il,
14.#11, but with backstreet boys songs.
15.unscrew one table leg crossbeam on each class table.
16. make sculpture out of textbooks, scream an call teacher a philistine for putting it down.
17. demand to be called by name "jew puncher"
18. use construction paper same color of ink your using.
19.trip any and all handicapped kids.
20. get perfect score then fart on her desk.
  • Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.

  • 21. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.
    22. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and correct all your typos.
    23. Carve your paper on the bathroom wall.
    24. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography.
    25. Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it.
    26. Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. Say that Worf is Ophelia.
    27. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists.
    28. Draw pictures of your professor in the margins.
    29. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds".
    30. Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and hand it in as your paper. Explain that the topic was such an emotional one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you had to say.
    31. Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different perspectives on your work.
    32. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
    33. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper actually exists.
    34. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes.
    35. Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera- style, and hand that in.
    36. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-|/??!]}.
    37. Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild.
    38. On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the prof throws you out.
    39. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road.
    40. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.
    41. Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows on the way to class.
    42. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had.
    43. Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time.
    44. Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew you weawwy want to type r's ow l's.
    45. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky".
    46. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments.
    47. Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in a bar so that you could see "sociology in action."
    48. Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the picture as a resource.
    49. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.
    50. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.
    51. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee..
    52. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until the next full moon.
    53. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'.
    54. Turn in a letter you wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while.(This is a nifty way to get an extension.)
    55. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk.
    56. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original.
    57. Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading.
    58. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices.
    59. When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in.
    60. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.
    61. Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' reactions to Spuds McKensie.
    62. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.
    63. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period.
    64. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.
    65. Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might cause a person to prefer anchovies.
    66 When the teacher says to “take a seat”, you answer “take it where”.
    67 When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent”.
    68 When she calls roll, you answer “yo mama”.
    69 When the teacher says something, you say “is that so?”
    70 If you so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
    71 Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
    72 Tell your teacher you did not turn in your homework because you were watching TV.
    73 Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
    74 Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
    75 . Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
    76 Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
    77 Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one or two points higher than it actually is.
    78 While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
    79 When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
    80 Roll your pencil across the desk.
    81 Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of you as the cymbals.
    82 Never bring a pen or pencil so you always have to borrow one from the teacher.
    83 Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
    84 Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
    85 . Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if you fall over backward.
    86 Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if you snap and crack it with out being caught.
    87 When possible, eat food in class. Loud, crunchy food.
    88 Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
    89 Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
    90 Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if you just came from recess lunch.
    91 When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if you can go to the bathroom.
    92 Ask if you can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
    93 Put too many staples on your paper when you staple it. Extra points if you make a good design with them.
    94 Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
    95 . Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
    96 Blurt out the answers to the teachers questions.
    97 When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your seat and shout “I know, I know!”
    98 When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm tree in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
    99 Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
    100 Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
    101 Make basket shots with every paper you want to throw away. Extra points if you get a basket.
    102 When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story you know.
    103 When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
    104 When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells you to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
    105 . When the teacher calls on you say “finally”—Even if you where picked first.
    106 Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
    107 For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures you can find.
    108 Whistle while you work.
    109 Never seem to listen to directions.
    110 Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
    111 Comb, brush, or braid your hair in class.
    112 Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
    113 Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
    114 Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
    115 . Laugh out loud for no reason.
    116 Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
    117 Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
    118 After everything your teacher says say “That’s what you think”.
    119 If you have a substitute teacher, ask you and your friends to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
    120 Track sand into the classroom by “accident”.
    121 Keep dropping your pencil.
    122 Call her “grandma”.
    123 Call him “grandpa”
    124 Throw lots of spit wads.
    125 . Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming you were actually nice”.
    126 After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
    127 Hide other books inside of text books and appear to be reading the text book.
    128 After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
    129 After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
    130 Make up humorous excuses for being late.
    131 Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
    132 Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time you finished something. Anything.
    133 Annoy Ms. Thompson. AT ALL COST.
    134 If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
    135 . Make animal shows on projector.
    136 Read your math book when you are supposed to be reading history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
    137 Read comic books hidden in your text books.
    138 Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your heart and say “WOW!”
    139 Ask the same question the teacher just finished answering minutes ago.
    140 Knock a heavy text book off your desk again…and again…and again….and again….
    141 Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
    142 Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
    143 Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing minutes later to annoy your teacher.
    144 Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
    145 . Read out loud during silent reading time.
    146 Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
    147 Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
    148 Write stupid questions on your desk.
    149 Put messages in your textbooks.
    150 Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
    151 While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
    152 Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
    153 Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
    154 Make your id picture hard to read.
    155 . Put staples all over the floor.
    156 If you have the guts, start a food fight. ?
    157 Come in just after the bell every day.
    158 Complain about the food at the school cafeteria.
    159 Pretend like you have only one brain cell.
    160 Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
    161 Laugh stupidly. Often.
    162 Talk loudly about your favorite show.
    163 If you can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty minutes of your favorite cd over it. Extra points if you do not get caught.
    164 Play coin football during silent reading time.
    165 . Gather your stuff ten minutes before class ends.
    166 Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
    167 Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
    168 After everything your teacher says, ask why.
    169 If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG?????” very loudly.
    170 If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that simply reply “Wow, I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
    171 Dress up like L (Death Note) and walk in with no shoes.
    172 If your teacher asks “why aren’t you wearing shoes” you reply by standing on the table, pointing at him/her and yelling “YOUR KIRA!!!!!!!!!!!”.
    173 (Back to normal clothes) Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!!!”
    174 Flick pieces of paper around the class.
    175 When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say “your racist against paper aren’t you.”
    176 Don’t do your Homework.
    177 When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then smile and sit.
    178 When you have a sub, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
    179 During a test, raise your hand and wait for your teacher to walk over to you. Then when they whisper, “what do you need help on?” you smirk and whisper “I know what you did last summer” XD (A/n: gets them every time!!!!)
    180 Wear your Sasuke costume to school.
    181 When he/she stares at you, say “I know what your thinking, but this symbol on my back does not mean I’m a pokemon,”
    182 minutes after saying that throw a poke ball at your teachers head and scream “ GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!!!!!!!”
    183 Accuse him/her of being Itachi Uchiha. Then give them a paranoid, bloodthirsty look.
    184 (Back in normal clothes) hand candy out to everyone then walk up to your teacher and say “HA! None for you =P that’s payback for that F!” >D
    185 Be Tardy. When your teacher asks why you were late say “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears. :D
    186 When turning in a paper, write this paper will self destruct in seconds and the bottom.
    187 When you leave the class bow and say “May the force be with you, young one.”
    188 Show up to class (now they got to do their job XD SUCKERS!)
    189 Everytime the PA comes on act surprised and scream “NO NOT THE VOICES AGAIN! MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!”
    190 Every time the morning announcements start look around the rooms ceiling and say “GOD? It that you?!?!”
    191 Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    192 When its time for the pledge of allegiance, while everyone says it, yell out random things (Pickle, pepto bismol, abortion, cow, etc.) and mess everyone up.
    193 Walk into class dancing the Macarena.
    194 Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the teachers lounge.
    195 During an exam, act like you need help really badly. (wave to the teacher, say psssst a lot, jump in your seat, act like your trying to land a plane etc.)
    196 When you graduate, hug your teacher and say, “I’M GONNA MISS YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    197 When you’re an adult, look up your old teacher in a phone book. Then go to their house in the middle of the night. Sneak up by their bed, Give him/her a twisted and demented look and say “Heh….I’m back….MUAHAHAHA!”
    198 Everytime she/he says 'who' correct her to say 'whom' even if its incorrect
    199 Speak like Yoda
    200 Correct her/him whenever she says 'good' instead of 'well'
    201 Speak and write only in Pig Latin - claim it is your native language
    202 Raise your hand and say "I totally agree" after everything your teacher says
    203 Come late to class in a Spider-Man cosume, say there was "a disturbance"
    204 Ask if why she asks questions if she "supposedly" knows the answer.
    205 Tell her you know shakespeare personally, and her/his interpretations are wrong
    206 when the teacher turns to write on the board, throw paper or rubbers at them
    207 When the teacher says to “take a seat”, you answer “take it where”.
    208 When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent
    209 If you so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
    210 Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it
    211 Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head
    212 Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one or two points higher than it actually is.
    213 Use crayon for important assignments
    214 When possible, eat food in class. Loud, crunchy food
    215 Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
    216 Blurt out the answers to the teachers questions
    217 Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
    218 When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
    219 Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
    220. Pretend you are dead.