Wednesday, 4 January 2012

How To Make Money – Top 23 Ways To Make Money Online




Do you want to make money online? Worried about online scams? Sick and tired of all the hype-filled “make money online” programs that are out there?

Are you ready to bypass all that and find out what really works and what doesn’t?

It’s not always easy to spot the good from the bad, but we’re here to give a helping hand. Let’s quickly analyze the top 24 most popular ways to make money online. Who knows maybe next week you’ll have some extra cash in pocket.



1.Blogging

If you have a particular passion for something, whether it's a hobby or an obsession, and you have something to say about it, blogging could be a profitable way to pour out your endless stream of thought. The key here, as with many other services on the Internet, is in selling advertising.


After starting up a personal blog, many writers sign up for ad services like Google AdSense, which post those familiar sponsored links you often see at the top and on the sides of Web sites. The more times your blog readers click on those ads, the more money you'll make through the ad service. This works fine if you're a casual blogger, and you may make some extra spending money. But if the blog is consistently interesting, well-written and really takes off, you may be approached by companies who want to reach your fan base with graphical advertising around your blog. Some of the more successful blogs, like I Can Has Cheezburger? and Boing Boing, have become pop-culture phenomena, and their creators have been able to quit their day jobs and blog full time because of the money they make from advertisers.

2. Designing and Selling T-shirts


As you walk around most high school and college campuses, you're likely to come into contact with lots of words. But it won't be material from textbooks or term papers -- those are probably in backpacks or sitting unfinished at home. Instead, they're the simple phrases or logos -- most of which are ironic or amusing -- printed on the T-shirts on the backs of the students.

Usually, the more unique and offbeat the design is, the more desirable the T-shirt is. The growth of the Internet has made it possible for vendors to sell T-shirts all over the world. In fact, sites like CafePress.com and SpreadShirt.com allow you to set up your own store, create your own designs and sell them yourself. If you create your own shirt design with a clever catchphrase or come up with your own unique statement and people like it, you can start making money.




3. Sell stuff on eBay.

Start by selling your own extra stuff. Then, once you get a feel for selling your extra stuff, go door-to-door in nicer neighborhoods in your town. Develop an eye for what will sell and what won’t (old laptops, for instance, could be a gold mine–if you know how to format them to get rid of the previous owner’s personal data.) Sign a contract where you take 25-30% (or more) of the gross sale. Your customers will be happy to get cash for their old junk, and you’ll make some good money selling other people’s stuff. eBay

4. Become a freelance article writer.

It may not pay well, but there is a growing demand for this. Write 200-300 word articles and submit them to article directories. Potential clients include bloggers, marketers, and small businesses. You can write articles in a niche in batches and sell them as a package to one or more clients, or you can offer your services for hire per word or article and let your client give you direction. A foundation of keyword research is important to succeed at this job (unless you’re just taking direction from a client), but keyword research is learnable.

5. Write articles for magazines or other publications.

If you have a background in journalism, or just a passion for it, you can try your hand at submitting articles to publications. Don’t just randomly fire off articles, however; have a plan and, preferably, a contact at the publication you wish to submit to. The good news is that there are publications in pretty much any niche you can think of. To see some publications that are hiring, visit Online Writing Jobs, PoeWar Freelance Jobs, and Writing.com.


6. Transcribe audio files.

An easy job; doesn’t pay well, but also a quick way to make some money. Sign up on eLance or oDesk to start, and/or advertise your services in entrepreneur forums. Requires good hearing and a good command of the English language. You may also want to invest in a foot pedal if you plan to transcribe often. Make sure you know how to transcribe interviews before you start your first job.

7. Become a virtual assistant (VA).

There are entire books written on how to become a virtual assistant, so this job is definitely worthy of more research. My advice: Focus on one niche (I just hired Lisa Morosky of VA for Bloggers, for instance.) Also, reach out to potential customers directly and let them know what you can do for them instead of hitting up freelance web sites. Finally, you may want to consider resources such as AssistU, which provides training for up-and-coming virtual assistants.


8. Write articles on eHow.com.

If you understand the basics of keyword research, you can make a good monthly income from eHow. eHow pays you a percentage of the ad revenue they make from each “How to” article you create. You can crank out a few articles a day with relative ease. Try this for a month; assuming your article titles match up with what people are searching for in Google, you can make a significant income. The great news is that you write your articles once and get paid month after month. I’ve seen figures of $100-$150/month for 30 articles. Make money writing for eHow.com.

9. Do some videos to promote affiliate products.

Enjoy making silly videos? Even short, silly videos can sell products online. Find an product worth promoting that has an affiliate program, then target your video toward potential customers of that product. In your video summary on YouTube, place your affiliate link for the product, and after the video, do a 30-second still frame showing a short URL where people can buy the product. If your video is funny, informative, or useful, you may sell some products. Big tip: Try to promote a product that makes you a fair amount of money for each sale, but doesn’t cost a whole lot for the potential customer. You can find products on Commission Junction, for one.

10. Write an ebook targeted to people who need help.

Alexis Dawes created a product called “Desperate Buyers Only”. I interview her for an upcoming case study on Inspiring Innovators, where she mentions that she is able to make up to $97 from ebooks as small as 12 pages. The key? Finding people who are incredibly desperate for the information you provide and then doing good research to find a real solution to their problems. The result? Happy customers whose problem is solved, and money for you — a win-win situation! Caveat: It may be tough to find a real desperate buyer niche (Alexis reveals some in her case study). Here are some hints: When were you last in a situation where information would have either saved you a lot of money or a lot of pain? Has someone else close to you been in a situation where they could have used information to avert pain? Think legal, medical, and financial niches.

11. Build a small niche website.



Yes, you can make money online.I run a few small niche websites. For instance, How to Convert PDF is a tiny site that has free videos on how to convert other types of documents into PDF format. It sells a piece of software called PDF Creator, and I make a few dollars every time someone buys from that site. I promoted the site using pay-per-click ads and it was profitable. Don’t copy me directly, but do find the intersection of people needing help and a tool, ebook, or software program that will help them fix their problem. Then, create a website designed to get them to buy it!

12. Help local businesses develop an online presence.

Local businesses are struggling. Many have websites, but aren’t getting any results from them. Others don’t have websites at all. You can help by learning search engine optimization, how to set up an email list, and more, and then implementing these for local businesses. If you typically hang around geeks, web marketers, or the Web 2.0 crowd, you may be surprised how many business owners are 10 years (or more) behind you! If you can deliver results, business owners will happily pay. Find customers by going door-to-door.

13. Learn WordPress, then offer to install plugins and upgrade it.

I hired David from Web Geek 4 Hire to upgrade my blogs and install new WordPress plugins. He charges $5 to upgrade a plugin…great for him, since most plugins only take a few minutes to upgrade, and great for me, since if anything breaks, David gets to clean up the mess! You can make this a full time position; there is a ton of demand for these services. Find customers by contacting bloggers directly. Get references from bloggers who understand the value of outsourcing these tasks.


14. Become the go-to person for installations of a particular piece of software.

Anything from Amember to Quickbooks is fair game here. In the hosting industry, iDevAffiliate and Plesk Billing were the pieces of software we would have paid a lot of money to have someone else deal with. The more niche and more complex/annoying/frustrating the software, the better! Even if the software company offers free installation, you can make hundreds or thousands of dollars training business owners or their employees on its usage. Focus on one piece of software and become the trusted expert. Create videos and tutorials using screencast software like Camtasia to increase your profitability; this may also lead into a niche product that you can sell. (Amember offers “free installation”, but it took my boyfriend and I over 10 hours to configure it properly. That’s definitely something I would outsource next time!)


15. Interview other people and sell the interviews.

I experimented with this in 2008 and made over $800 from one interview. The key here is to understand a pain point that people are experiencing, interview an expert, and ask the expert the questions that the people experiencing the problem are having. Then create a small website and sell the interview. There’s more to this, including having good copywriting skills so your website sells the interview well, and knowing where to advertise, so don’t expect to immediately pull in hundreds of dollars. That said, it’s a neat way to quickly create a product. Get the interviews transcribed, then string a few interviews in the same industry together as a membership site or bundle that you can sell for more money.

16. Become a freelance “web geek.”

From configuring a shopping cart to installing and tweaking blog themes, there are virtually unlimited projects out there for geeks who enjoy working with small business owners to get them up and running online. Find people looking for web geeks on the Warrior Forum or other places where entrepreneurs gather.

17. Enter logo and design contests.

Fancy yourself a good designer? Try your hand at creating a logo or other design that a company loves! 99 Designs is the most popular marketplace. Beware, however; you won’t get paid unless your logo wins against many others, which makes many designers unhappy. In my opinion, this is a great way for a budding designer to build a portfolio and learn quickly what clients love.


18. Create Twitter backgrounds and e-covers.

Competition is stiff, but if you are a savvy designer, this is a good way to pick up extra dollars. Even better, if you are an artist, this is a good way to make your art skills pay off. Consider that every design will need to have a reason why the customer should buy the book or follow that person on Twitter to have a real impact. Twitter backgrounds, in particular, are in hot demand right now. For measurements and caveats of Twitter backgrounds, read “How to create your own Twitter background.”

19. Submit websites or blog posts to social media websites.

Not very exciting work, but in high demand from bloggers and small businesses. This involves setting up accounts on all of the social bookmarking services and then bookmarking your clients’ websites or latest blog posts to help them get more traffic. You may be competing against software that does this, but in many folks’ opinions, it’s better to have a real person do it. Even better is if you can goose your accounts with plenty of friends and become a star on a few of the services; then every site you bookmark has higher credibility and you can charge more. To get an idea of the social media sites you will need to sign up for, start at socialmarker.com.

20. Edit audio for others.

This is something that is fairly easy to learn and also in high demand. On Windows, one good program to edit audio is Sony Sound Forge. I use Sound Forge Audio Studio, but if you are doing this professionally, you might consider the upgrade to Sound Forge 9. Get the hang of editing out “um”s and “ah”s from audio. Even better is understanding the “flow” of an interview conversation and editing out portions that don’t make sense. Finally, learning to find and add intro music really gives podcasts that professional touch. Advertise your services on oDesk or eLance. I pay people to do this for the podcasts I am setting up on Inspiring Innovators, and it’s a job that can definitely be done from your house.


21. Amazon’s Mechanical Turk.

Mechanical Turk is a great way to make some extra cash. You probably won’t make much more than a few dollars an hour, but it’s also dead simple to complete many of the tasks. Most tasks take less than a minute to complete and pay a few pennies. If you do a lot of MTurk, it could add up to at least some fun spending money. Sign up for free, then complete qualifications to earn access to higher-paying tasks.


22. Sell stock photos.

iStockPhoto is just one site that allows you to sell stock photos; there are others. Before you decide to go crazy and upload your whole album, take note of what’s selling well and try your hand at doing something similar. iStockPhoto also works for those who know how to render images; some of their most popular images were created on a computer! Have three killer stock photos ready for iStockPhoto’s inspection; they will want them when you sign up.


23: Domain Name Flipping


Based on luck, strategy and business savvy, domain name flipping can be one of the more lucrative ways to earn a living online. The term comes from the real estate trick that involves buying old, undervalued houses, fixing them up to make them more attractive and modern-looking and selling them for a much higher price.

In this case, the old and outdated place is not a house, but rather a domain name -- the main address for a Web page. With a little bit of searching, dedicated domain flippers locate unused, poorly maintained Web sites that have generic and recognizable identifiers and buy them. They usually pay a few hundred or even a few thousand dollars, but after extensive updates that make the site more business- and user-friendly, the domain name can fetch several times more than it was originally worth. The domain bird-cage.com, for instance, was bought for a mere $1,800 in 2005 -- after a redesign two years later, the site was sold for $173,000 to a bird cage vendor.


Sheet Music Plus Rock

The Closest Thing To Crazy



Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

What is Satan's last name?

Do fish get thirsty?

Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

Can germs catch germs?

If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?

Do blind people see in their dreams? Do they see in color?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do they bury people with their braces on?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?



funny gif pics on Sodahead





If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
Can a black person join the kkk?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?

If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how?

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?

What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?

What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king?

Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

How come cats butts go up when you pet them?

What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

Why are dogs noses always wet?

If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?

Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?

Do bald people get Dandruff?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Can you cry under water?

Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How come all of the planets are spherical?

How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?

when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?

Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
What do people in China call their good plates?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?

Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?

Do your eyes change color when you die?

Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?

If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?

On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
What do you call male ballerinas?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?

Can bald men get lice?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile?

If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?

What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?

Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?

Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?

How come you never read about a psychic winning the lottery?

When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

Was Jesus a virgin when he died?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'

If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam
Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?

Is it possible to be allergic to water?

Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

How come only your fingers and toes get prune in the shower and nothing else does?

In the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini," which is yellow-the bikini or the polka dots?

Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?

Whats a question with no answer called?

When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?

When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?

If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?

When you drive by a dead skunk in the road, why does it take about 10 seconds before you smell it? Assume that you did not actually drive over the skunk.

Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?

Why doesn't baking soda freeze?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

I'm always reading about the "Great Apes." What's so great about them? How come we never hear about any "Paltry Apes"?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

I read about an actuary who calculated that the odds of a man's trousers falling down if he was wearing both a belt and suspenders was about 35,000 to one. What would be the odds of a man's trousers falling down while wearing only a belt? What about only suspenders?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted? If there is no benefit, how much electric energy is wasted on toasting in the U.S. of A., do you think?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

Say I freeze meat in January. The package has an expiration date of February. When I thaw it in June, why doesn't it remember immediately that it should have gone bad four months ago?

When you're asleep and dreaming about performing calorie-burning activities such as running, jumping and flying, do you burn more calories in reality as opposed to when you're dreaming about doing something low-impact?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?


designer sunglasses



If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, does it say 'me'?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do we kill people who kill people to show them that killing people is wrong?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why does a 'slight tax increase' cost you $200 and a 'substantial tax cut' save you 30 cents?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space?

If firefighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

What's the opposite of opposite?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before he is considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up about every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

What happens when the future has come and gone? Robert Half

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
WEIRD LANGUAGE

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes and from Finland Fines?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it that you drive on the parkway, and park on the driveway?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

Bruno Mars - All I Need

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[Chorus:]
Sugar, coco and honey
Hey y’all Bruno Mars
That’s why you taste like to me
And all I need is to sex to wash it down
Ooh come here girl right now

I’m a British boy so I do British things
Like nibble on your earlobe but let your body sing
You’re my violin and I’m a string
With every breath you take I won’t let it sting
So let me in open your doors
What yours is mine, what mine is yours
Where’s your p-ssy give me your paws
And I won’t mind if it’s you going through my drawers
Keep it clean ’cause we’re gettin in a mess
Baby girl yeah you’re better in the flesh
I heard from your friends that I’m better than your ex
And if I’m real then I’m better than your next
Banofee pie you my sweet tart
That’s one of the reasons that you’re my sweetheart
So when I meet arse we beat fast
Why don’t we just take it slow
So we last

[Chorus:]
Sugar, coco and honey
That’s why you taste like to me
Now all I need is your sex to wash it down
Ooh come here girl right now

The world is ours
Put your head back see the stars
I like you just the way you are like Bruno Mars
I know I can, call me Nas
I love your thighs I love your arse
Now give me your flower ’cause I’m a human vase
And I’m about to ride without a pass
I hope …can keep a secret before I ask
Oh no oh no you’re burning my tongue just like a cocoa
Oh no oh no I think you need some cream upon you
You think I got chick what’s her name
I ain’t lying you’re my main
You’re the only picture inside my frame
Let’s wash it down with sex not champagne

[Chorus:]
Sugar, coco and honey
That’s why you taste like to me
Now all I need is your sex to wash it down
Ooh come here girl right now

Sugar, coco and honey
That’s why you taste like to me
Now all I need is your sex to wash it down
Ooh come here girl right now

Birdy - People Help the People

"People Help the People" was the third single released from Birdy's self-titled debut album on 28 October 2011. The song is a cover of the song of the same name by Cherry Ghost.


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Adele - I Found A Boy

I thought I told you, he'd be home soon
Couldn't help myself, you're too good to be true.
I fall short each time,
Every time he ain't here
You and your charm creep closer
Closer in here
Like a fool for fire I fall, with my pride and all.
Like a bomb before explosion,
Ticking by your call,
You're the wiser one, disguised from greed,
And I'm just a child who belongs on her knees.

But I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried,
And lay yourself down.
Look how you want me now that I don't need you.

So, you thought that I'd crumble to my knees
At the first sight of you crawling back to me
To whisper "will you leave your man? "
You sweared that this time you can stand by me.
I won't stand by you.

Cause I found a boy who I love more,
Than I ever did you before,
So stand beside the river I cried
And lay yourself down.
Look how you want me now that I don't need you!

I ain't yours for no taking,
You must be mistaken
I could never look into your eyes, and settle for wrong
And ignore the right

Well I found a boy who loves me more,
Than you ever did me before.
So stand beside the river you cried
And let yourself down!
Look how you want me now that I don't need you!



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Lucky

"Lucky" is a song byBritney Spears. The song was written and produced by Max Martin and Rami, with additional writing by Alexander Kronlund, for Spears' second studio album Oops!... I Did It Again (2000). It was released on August 8, 2000 through Jive Records as the second single from the album. The teen pop song is about a famous pop star, who despite being very "lucky" and seemingly having it all – fame, wealth, beauty and so on – is truly lonely on the inside.



This is a story about a girl named Lucky…

Early morning, she wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It's time for makeup, perfect smile
It's you they're all waiting for
They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say…

[CHORUS:]
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say…

[Repeat CHORUS]

"Best actress, and the winner is…Lucky!"
"I'm Roger Johnson for Pop News standing outside the arena waiting for Lucky"
"Oh my god…here she comes!"

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?

Coldplay - For You

'For You' is a song by Coldplay from their album 'Parachutes'(2000). Coldplay are a rock band formed in London, England in 1997. The group comprises vocalist/pianist/guitarist Chris Martin, lead guitarist Jonny Buckland, bassist Guy Berryman, and drummer/multi-instrumentalist Will Champion.



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If you're lost and feel alone
Circumnavigate the globe
All you ever have to hope for two

And the way you seem to float
Circumnavigate in hope
And they seem to lose control
With you

Everyone of us is hurt
And everyone of us is scarred
Everyone of us is scared
Not you

Your eyes closed
Your head hurts
Your eyes feel so low

Everyone of us is scared
Everyone of us is hurt
Everyone of us has hope

For you
X10

Coldplay - Ladder to the Sun

From the very start
it came apart
it broke up into pieces and
there was a chance and i missed it
It could risked it

and I put myself into your hands

Cause you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
oh you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun

I can run my courses
Opposing forces
and oh man I just...

If you want me then you can have me
take me, oh baby grab me
Cause if you want me then you can have me

Cause you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
You're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun

oh now boy what you been and done
you set a course for a silver sun
oh now boy what you been and done

I had it all and I risked it
I had it all and I risked it all
And I risked it all

And I risked it all
A ladder to the
A Ladder to the sun
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun
And I risked it all
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun

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