Wednesday, 4 January 2012

The Closest Thing To Crazy



Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

What is Satan's last name?

Do fish get thirsty?

Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

Can germs catch germs?

If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?

Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?

Do blind people see in their dreams? Do they see in color?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do they bury people with their braces on?

How far east can you go before you're heading west?

How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?

If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?



funny gif pics on Sodahead





If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
Can a black person join the kkk?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?

Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?

If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?

Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how?

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?

What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?

What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king?

Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

How come cats butts go up when you pet them?

What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?

How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?

Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

Why are dogs noses always wet?

If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?

Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?

Do bald people get Dandruff?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Can you cry under water?

Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?

If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How come all of the planets are spherical?

How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?

when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?

Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
What do people in China call their good plates?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?

Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?

Do your eyes change color when you die?

Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?

If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?

On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
What do you call male ballerinas?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?

Can bald men get lice?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile?

If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?

What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?

Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?

Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?

How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?

How come you never read about a psychic winning the lottery?

When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

Was Jesus a virgin when he died?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'

If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam
Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?

Is it possible to be allergic to water?

Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

How come only your fingers and toes get prune in the shower and nothing else does?

In the song "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini," which is yellow-the bikini or the polka dots?

Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?

Whats a question with no answer called?

When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?

When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?

If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?

When you drive by a dead skunk in the road, why does it take about 10 seconds before you smell it? Assume that you did not actually drive over the skunk.

Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?

Why doesn't baking soda freeze?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

I'm always reading about the "Great Apes." What's so great about them? How come we never hear about any "Paltry Apes"?

Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?

Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?

I read about an actuary who calculated that the odds of a man's trousers falling down if he was wearing both a belt and suspenders was about 35,000 to one. What would be the odds of a man's trousers falling down while wearing only a belt? What about only suspenders?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted? If there is no benefit, how much electric energy is wasted on toasting in the U.S. of A., do you think?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

Say I freeze meat in January. The package has an expiration date of February. When I thaw it in June, why doesn't it remember immediately that it should have gone bad four months ago?

When you're asleep and dreaming about performing calorie-burning activities such as running, jumping and flying, do you burn more calories in reality as opposed to when you're dreaming about doing something low-impact?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?


designer sunglasses



If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, does it say 'me'?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do we kill people who kill people to show them that killing people is wrong?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why does a 'slight tax increase' cost you $200 and a 'substantial tax cut' save you 30 cents?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space?

If firefighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

What's the opposite of opposite?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before he is considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up about every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

What happens when the future has come and gone? Robert Half

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
WEIRD LANGUAGE

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes and from Finland Fines?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why is it that you drive on the parkway, and park on the driveway?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour"?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?